X-OTIC

"An EGG?", little Martin asked with a bemused look on his face.

His mother rightly sensed that it was more of an exasperated scowl than a look of awe and wonder. "What, you don't like eggs now?"

"But you told me there would be magic", the tone of disapoointment in his voice was hard to miss.

"But this IS magic."

"An EGG??", he repeated, wondering if his mother had missed the point.

He looked at the egg, holding back tears of disappointment. The egg, a faint pink, was placed in an egg cup, which sort of resembled a tripod. If anything, the tripod was the only thing that seemed interesting to Martin at this moment.

She smiled, hoping he'd come around quickly, "It's magic dear...and with magic, you need to be very patient sometimes."

Just then, the egg seemed to move a little.

"IT'S MOVING", he screamed, suddenly struggling to contain his excitement.

"Yes my child...but there's more..."

And at that very moment, a tiny crack appeared on the shell. A small amount of colourless liquid oozed out from the crack. Soon the crack grew bigger, then there was more oozing, and more pushing from within the egg. The child clapped and squealed in joy through the entire episode.

Finally, after much struggle - and with a little help from the child and his mother - a tiny pink, hairless mass with a prominent beak and shut eyes made its way out of the shell.

"It's SOOO CUTE Momma", the child squealed, his eyes gleaming with excitement. "Can I play with it? PLEASE??"

"Now, now Martin...", his mother's voice turned firm, "How many times have I told you? You should NEVER play with..."

"Steamed or deep-fried Ma'am?", the waiter asked, waiting in rapt atttention for a response.

"Deep-fried!", the child didn't wait for his mom to respond. It was his birthday after all.

"Right Sir!", the waiter said as he picked the chick up with a pair of tongs and walked towards the kitchen.

WAIST-ED

I have a wide waist line. The reasons might be obvious (and universal), but some people are still curious.

For the benefit (and entertainment) of those who want to know why i'm fat, here are some reasons. You are free to believe them, but do so at your own risk.

• Because I like to live life kingsize

• Because my parents always wanted me to make it big

• Because it makes me look rich and prosperous

• Because I prefer Family-Packs over Six-Packs

• Because I eat when I'm hungry, or when I'm sad, or when I'm happy of when I'm bored, or when I'm stressed, or when I'm exhausted, or when I'm...

• Because it is a sin to waste food - both yours as well as others'

• Because it's part of my growth strategy

• Because I like to cheat death belts

• Because I like weightlifting

• Because nothing else was getting big

Hope that satisfies you. If you have your own set of reasons for your own weight issues, please feel free to share them in the comments box.

VARICOSE

Once Smooth...Now Bulgy
Once Translucent...Now Ugly

Once Gilded...Now Blue
Once Enthralling...Now Taboo

Once Delectable...Now Unpleasant
Once A Royal...Now A Peasant

You're Chronic!
You're Varicose!

UNDER PRESSURE

They say preparations can make or break important meetings.

And so, the meeting room had been prepared well for the meeting; however, Steve felt under-prepared. But then again, he was pretty sure no one else would be prepared either.

There were eight chairs neatly arranged around the table at the centre of the room. All eight chairs were taken. Only the chair at the head of the table was empty, not because the boss was late, but because he was standing near the whiteboard and jumping like a mad man.

"You smart-asses know your targets, don't you?", Mr. Josh Briggs asked them in his signature deep baritone. 

All eight reportees hung their heads in shame.

"Answer me!!!" , the baritone made way for a thunderous bark.

Steve looked across the table and saw Cynthia fidgeting with her hair. Everyone knew he found her cute. His eyes began scanning her from her forehead, to her eyes, down to her nose and lips, and then down to her dainty chin, and then further down to her...

"Stephen Mason!!!", the bark was familiar, "Have you been listening to what I've been saying??"

"Erm...Sir..."

"Margins...what is our gross margin?"

"Umm...25%?"

"Wrong....40%!!!"

"Oh wow...congratulations sir."

"Fuckin Dimwit!!", the boss was livid, "That's the worst Gross Margin we've had in 14 quarters!"

At this point, Steve began to feel uneasy, "Sorry Mr.Briggs."

"That explains why you dumbfucks can't get our sales running.", he pointed at an image on the whiteboard, "Do you know what this is?"

Steve studied the line and found the trajectory very familiar, "are those our salaries sir?"

Mr. Briggs slapped his forehead. "That's our net profit....", he said in a sullen tone.

"Sir...", Steve continued, "May I...."

"How long have you been in this company you fuckin prick?", the boss shifted gears once again.

"Umm...five years....I would..." Steve was getting increasingly impatient.

"Shut up you moron...listen to me....what on earth have you been doing all these years?"

At this point, Steve couldn't take it anymore. "Sir, I request you to..."

"You sit on your sorry little ass all day, doing abso-bloody-lutely nothing!"

Steve's eyes suddenly went red and he began shaking, "Sir...I don't mind listening to you all day...but please...!!"

"Even my one year old makes more sense than you do, you dimwit!!"

Steve slammed his fist on the table/

His voice pierced through the sudden silence in the room as he said, "That's enough Sir...I need to go now!"

And he stormed out of the room like a man possessed.

Conclusion: When you gotta pee, you gotta pee!

TOWERS TO HEAVEN

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

And so everyone on earth wanted to be one with Godliness in Heaven.

And therefore, Ladies set out to find their Men, and Princes went forth to find their Princesses. And when they had satisfied themselves that they had found the right one, they set about building for themselves their Towers to Heaven.

The Prince and Princess of Sandstone had very beautiful rocks, in varying hues of pink and orange, and other colours which they could not name. However, their arrangement of rocks was very clumsy. Neither of them seem focussed on the job at hand, instead carelessly placed their rocks one upon the other, without any alignment. Therefore, after a certain level, the tower toppled on one side, and the rocks crumbled to dust.

The Prince and Princess of Marble also had some very very smooth, lustrous and enchanting rocks at their disposal. They did a great job of neatly placing rocks one above the other, and taking great pains to make sure that every rock had been laid perfectly. However, they were obsessed with perfection. Their obsession with perfection and their intolerance for imperfect work was so dramatic, that any any point in time, each of them would thoughtlessly and unhesitatingly pull out a stone that had been imperfectly laid by the other and hold it in front of the other's face, while sharply criticising the 'shoddy effort'. As a result, after a while, the tower never went beyond a point, and in fact even grew shorter, because both got busy criticising each other.

The Prince and Princess of Granite probably had the most beautiful rocks of all. They patiently spent hours carefully piling stone upon stone to built their tower. But as they neared completion, both of them looked down from the heights and saw that there were other rocks that neither of them had ever seen before. They both forgot about their mission, and about what they had achieved together. To everyone's shock, they abandoned the tower that they had so painstakingly built together. The Princess sought to build a separate tower with the Prince of Onyx, while the Prince of Granite was charmed by the Princess of Quartzite. Alas, although they set out to build new Towers, they soon realised that they neither had enough time nor enough rocks to embark on building new towers. They lived the rest of their lives in regret.

The Prince and Princess of Basalt were the most low-profile couple of all. They both had their own set of flaws and imperfections. They could neither find rocks of great colour or shine, nor could they cut them in perfect shape. However, they both had the rare ability to camouflage each other's flaws. Whenever one would pile a poorly cut larger rock over a smaller one, the other would carve a beautiful motif or image on it and make it look beautiful.

In spite of their imperfections, they both were in perfect harmony.

And in the end, to everyone's surprise, their Tower was the only Tower that ever managed to reach Heaven.