AND HE SAVES THE DAY


The hero yawned loud enough to produce a rattle in the dingy confines of the roadside cafeteria. He could swear he had almost drowned out the relentless cackle on his walkie-talkie. It was someone from the control room, asking him if he was on his way to the spot. He replied in the affirmative, just like he had been doing since the past 30 minutes or so. Deciding that he’d had enough of the reminders, he reluctantly dropped his now-empty cutting chai and crushed his cigarette butt next to the ashtray. He picked up his hat, and walked towards his bike like a bored zombie. Five lazy minutes later, he managed to get his vehicle in motion.

“Why can’t Superman do everything?”, he muttered to himself.

A few minutes down and the hero had reached the west end of the bridge. There were people screaming and peering over the side of the bridge, peering into the lake below. The man who had reportedly been standing on the edge of the long steel structure and threatening to jump into the lake below was nowhere in sight. “Must’ve jumped already”, the hero thought to himself.

And then he saw the other hero. He was dressed just like him. In his mind, he thanked the stars. This was exactly what he'd been hoping for.

Both gave each other a knowing stare, which wasn't exactly friendly. They walked slowly towards each other, one step followed by the other, in a manner befitting a Hollywood Western showdown. Oblivious to the jeering crowds and the searing heat, they walked till they reached the centre of the bridge, marked by a thick red line. Then, almost in synchronised harmony, they peered down the side of the bridge at the spot where the man had apparently jumped. The hero crossed his fingers and waited patiently. The other man dressed like him did exactly the same.

Two hours later, the body emerged, bloated at the midriff and its skin a ghostly white. But the hero was least concerned about the loss of life - he had more or less prepared his mind for a casualty. He simply wanted to make sure it didn't get any worse.

He looked at the body and compared its position to the red line on the bridge. After satisfying himself that the body was floating at a spot comfortably beyond his side of the thick red line, he pumped his fist in the air and let out a winning war cry of sorts.

The hero had cheated misfortune yet again.

“Sorry, your jurisdiction”, he said loudly to the other man dressed just like him, as we walked towards his bike emphatically.

Drumrolls....Yet again, Superman Khakhi-Man had saved the his precious day.

Trust the average Indian cop to pass the buck every time there’s a job on hand. Hell, why just cops?

Cheers,

CRD


FOUR YEARS OF INSANITY



Scripted In Sanity has completed 4 years! Never thought it'd make it this far and don't know how far I can take it from here.

Cheers,
CRD

GRAFT-CRAFT


9 April 2011
Dear Diary,
Anna Hazare won his 98-hour long battle against corruption today. The government has finally bowed down to our demand to pass the Janpal Jan Lokpal Bill. Anna broke his fast with a glass of water this morning. I, Priyesh and Avantika joined thousands of other protesters who had assembled at Azad Maidan. All of us shouted out in unison when news of the government having relented broke out.

Our fight against corruption has only just begun. Down with the politicians! Damn you, ghoos-khor bastards!!

13 April 2011
Dear Diary,
I and Priyesh were on our way to our gym after work this evening in his red Chevy Beat. Our workout session usually starts at 7pm, and we were running late. So Priyesh stepped on the gas and unfortunately jumped a signal at Vakola. To make things worse, one of em moolah-hungry Paandus was immediately on our tail. He let us go only after Priyesh pulled out a 'shambhar-chi' note. I'm upset with our system. And I'm damn pissed with Priyesh. Can't believe the loser was with me at Azad Maidan only a few days ago 'fighting' corruption. Bloody Hypocrite!

19 April 2011
Dear Diary,
It's appraisal time at work, and suddenly everyone's sticking their noses around our boss' backside. Too bad I'm not used to ass-kissing. Avantika has been wearing low-necked tops since a week now. She's been frequenting the boss' cabin a lot of late. Last I heard, she's invited him for dinner during this weekend. So glad I'm not a manipulator like she is. What a whore!

24 April 2011
Dear Diary,
Going to meet Saloni's parents tonight. She told them about me only last night. I hope the parents like me. An extra-large bouquet and a pack of Cuban cigars should do the trick. Wish me luck!!

It's sad, but it's true. Every man wants to know the other's price.

P.S. - Howdy readers. Glad to be back after four months of hibernation. That's what love does to you. Well, I got engaged on March 13. The Facebook Badge widget on my blog stands as testimony to this event. Wedding bells will ring in October-end this year. I'm darn happy, and sometimes I think that's precisely what kept me away from writing all these days. So why did I get back to writing now? Am I sad? Hell no! The blogpost count for the year 2011 that screamed "ZERO" raised my demons.

--CRD

Now Playing : Disturbed - Down With The Sickness

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN


Yet another Christmas has come and gone. Santa's doled out his gifts. I stopped asking him for gifts ever since I overgrew the biggest stocking available in the market. But since we humans like to receive, Santa's still in business.

Here's a list of things some of the rich and famous must've asked from Santa:-

Ashok Chavan - Nevermind my ministry. I want my flat back.

Tiger Woods - I want a trophy...and a new cellphone with QWERTY keypads.

Shane Warne - I need lotsa phone numbers. I don't work anymore..whadda you expect me to do all day for Christsakes?

Julian Assange - I want nothing. But I do know what YOU want. I'll keep your fans posted ;)

Veena Malik - I wanna go back to Pakistan

The Great Khali - Umphh gmmph jukssh ummph...

Begum Nawazish Ali - I wanna be a man...ermm..no, a woman....uhmmm..no wait...gimme some time to think meri jaan!

Arnab Goswami - Forget what I want. Tonight INDIA wants an answer Mr.Santa. Where were you all these months??

China - We want Tibet, Arunachal, Taipei, Aksai Chin....

Freddy Mercury's ghost - I want to ride my bicycle...

Himesh Reshammiya - (angrily) Mujhe tere ghar mein roti chaahiye!!!

Akshay Kumar - Mujhe ek hit chahiye

Abhishek Bachchan - Hey, that ain't fair, I came first....D'oh

A Raja - I want...ahem...psst...I'll call you

Indian opposition parties - Humein bhi scam-scam khelna hai!!

Pranab Mukherjee - zzzzzz

Dr.Manmohan Singh - What do you want me to want Soniaji?

Rajnikant - Come here Santa...tell me what you want..

CRD - I want lotsa comments!!


Feel free to add a few more via your comments.

Compliments of the season!!

Cheers, CRD

FAKEBOOK - THE TIGER-CUB

A few friends sent me some funny emails last week. The emails had funny status messages of people who lived in times when FB didn't exist - Galileo and Julius Caesar to be precise. The mails were so funny, that they inspired me to create something on my own, based on current events.

This piece took me more than 4 hours to create, but it was really worth the effort. I could probably do this more often - a weekly/monthly series would be nice.

Seems the picture ain't very clear. So I suggest you open the image on a new window and then zoom in.

Oh by the way, let me put a disclaimer:- This article is meant to be humourous...and critical as well. As a blogger, I endeavour to put my freedom of expression to use. So please do not set out to burn me after reading this :P