ARSENAL

The first word that comes to my mind when I think of the letter A is something that is dear not just to me, but to millions of people worldwide. I happen to be a football fanatic. Like they say, football is 'The Beautiful Game', and what makes it beautiful are the displays of selfless teamwork, amazing skill, honour and a free flowing passing style. There are a lot of popular football clubs out there that are successful and win trophies on a regular basis. Although they have not won too many trophies in the past decade, and they are miles away from achieving the level of success that FC Barcelona enjoys, my favourite team is the North London-based English football club Arsenal. Their playing style which involves quick one-touch passing, swift interchanging of positions, flair and skill, and retaining the possession of the ball makes them a delight to watch. They certainly leave me mesmerized.

The 'Gunners', as Arsenal are fondly called, have always had a reputation for quite a few things - their ability to build teams at low costs, their amazing talent scouting system which enable them to develop gems from absolutely obscure players from unheard of places, their tiki-taka (one-touch passing) style of play, their attacking and fluid gameplay, and their fairplay. Their fans like to call themselves the 'Gooners'. Their biggest (and not so successful rivals) are fellow-Londoners Tottenham Spurs, although most fans look forward to their games against equally-matched fierce rivals Chelsea FC and Manchester United.

The club's current manager Arsene Wenger, who happens to hold a Masters' Degree in Economics, is Arsenal's longest serving and most successful manager. Ever since he took charge in October 1996, he has done wonders for the club, having guided them to three Premier League Titles, six FA Cup trophies and one UEFA Champions League Final, which they eventually lost to European giants FC Barcelona under controversial circumstances. The manager has also ensured that the team has booked a place in the UEFA Champions League over the past 17 years consecutively. The man has also been responsible for bringing to the fore some amazing players like Thierry Henry, Patrick Vieira, Robin Van Persie, Dennis Bergkamp, Robert Pires, Freddie Ljungberg, Cesc Fabregas, and many more. 

Many fans have criticized the manager for not doing enough to stop top players from leaving the club, for not spending enough to purchase new players, for a long trophy drought and for focussing more on the club's finances rather than silverware. However, it is a known fact that Wenger has done an amazing job in enabling the club to move to a new bigger stadium (the Emirates stadium), while brilliantly keeping expenses at a low and yet ensuring that the club always stayed in the top four of the English Premier League every season (which ensures a Champions League berth). The club happens to be one of the few European clubs that have managed to post profits over the past five years, and the credit for this achievement solely goes to Arsene Wenger.

If you ask me why I love the club so much, I would probably point towards the club's legacy and its beautiful playing style. What also tugs at my heart is the fact that Arsenal have now for many many years been the perennial underdogs, consistently finishing second, third or fourth in the League, but not having won for a long time. The hope that they will once again win the Premier League makes me root for this team. Arsenal's motto has been "Victoria Concordia Crescit" meaning, Victory Comes from Harmony. I honestly wish victory comes soon.

They say it's hard to be a Gunner, given the fact that they are perennial underdogs. However, true football fans know how special Arsenal are.

Proud to be a Gooner!!

THE A TO Z CHALLENGE APRIL 2016

So, as you can see (or maybe you haven't noticed), yours truly is back with a post after 4 long months. In fact, this is my first post for the year 2016. So what is this 'new' post about, you might ask. About Blogging, of course. It is with great pleasure that I announce my participation in the A to Z Challenge April 2016 for Bloggers.

I have not been able to blog regularly in the past couple of years. Let's face it, some of us have jobs that do not allow us time for creative pursuits. Sheer laziness after a week of hard work is also a factor. Finally, there's the dreaded Writer's Block. Sometimes, you simply can not think of anything to write about. Here's where the A to Z Challenge comes to your rescue. Let's put things into perspective - 30 Days in April, 26 Letters in the English Alphabet, 26 Posts in a Month. Woah! For me, that's more than the number of posts I actually manage to come out with in an entire year! That's gonna take some serious effort!

Here's how it works. Participants are required to post on each day of the month of April, barring Sundays. That leaves us with 26 days in April after excluding 4 Sundays. So, each of the 26 days will be dedicated to every letter in the English Alphabet. So bloggers will have to post on any topic beginning with the letter A on April 1, the letter B on April 2 and so on, culminating with the letter Z on the last day of the month.

Apparently, this is going to be the 7th time the A to Z Challenge is being organised. I have never dared to attempt this challenge in past, and therefore I eagerly look forward to this month. I hope I will be able to do justice to the challenge and will try my best to deliver.  

Since my mind is a pot-pourri of thoughts and ideas, my topics for this challenge will not revolve around a central theme. I might post anecdotes, poems, thoughts, stories, or maybe even gibberish. Some of my posts might revolve around my kid, my job, the world around me, current affairs and news. Needless to say, love and support (read 'comments') from readers will be a good motivation to keep me going. 

Here's wishing all participants in the A to Z Challenge April 2016 good luck. 

If you are a blogger, and are interested in participating in the Challenge, here's where you can sign up.

SANSKAR-FRIENDLY BOND

So thanks to the CBFC and its head Sant Pahlaj Nihalani, Indian cinema houses will now screen a toned, 'Sanskaar-friendly', '50% saturated kiss-free' version of the latest James Bond flick - Spectre. The CBFC, which would rather show flowers coming together than two people making out on screen has snipped out sex/kissing scenes by almost 50% and also a few swear words from the movie, which means that the movie's running time has now been pared from the original length of 2.5 hours to maybe just over an hour and a half. That leaves us with not one, but two boring family-oriented movies playing in multiplexes, the other being 'Prem Rotten Ratan Dhan Paayo'.

I'm sure if the CBFC, under Sant Nihalani, were ever given the choice to make changes to Bond flicks retrospectively, they'd jump at the opportunity.

In fact, rumours are afloat that the CBFC has reworked and retitled some Bond flicks of the past. They have also outright banned a few movies that they deemed were beyond repair. Some of these repackaged Sanskari Bond flicks are as follows:-

1. Dr. No - Since CBFC chiefs traditionally take pride in saying 'no' to everything that passes under their noses, this movie has been reworked to look like Sant Nihalani's biography.
2. From Russia CBFC With Love Cuts - The plot revolves around a CBFC chief, who considers it his moral responsibility to censor any and every thing that comes his way. The movie features a controversial scene in which Sant Nihalani goes scissor-happy on a movie scene featuring a guy milking a gaai, only because it technically involved the display of bare teats.
3. Gold Finger Unglee - The CBFC initially set out to Sanskaarify it with a desi translation, but since doing unglee on screen was not a sanskaari thing to do, they eventually decided to ban it.
4. Thunder Ball - Another banned flick...because thunder thighs and 'balls' are too sexual for Indian audiences.
5. You Only Live Kiss Twice - The release of this movie was a mistake. The CBFC decided to re-release an old Bond movie in its original format, albeit with a million cuts. However, they forgot to cut two kissing scenes. Since it was too late to make amends by the time they noticed the faux pas, they gave the movie an apt title. But hey, they gave the movie an 'A' rating as well.
6. On Her Majesty's Maata Raani's Secret Service - A musical movie on Satsangs, Maata Ki Chowkis and Jaagrans, featuring the effervescent Shri Narendra Chanchal in a leading role. On overwhelming demand from the Indian Catholic community, another version of the movie, with the title "On Mother Mary's Secret Service" is being planned.
7. Diamonds Mangal Sutras Are Forever - The movie is a tribute to the ever-loyal, faithful till death sanskaari Indian biwi, who stands by her hubby by all means, even if he's Lucifer-ka-baap and has 'koti-koti' misdemeanours to his credit.
8. Live And Let Die - Was rechristened as 'Jeeyo Aur Marney Do'. Since the title eventually did not suit their agenda, they decided to sell its rights to either movie channels screening dubbed/poorly-translated South Indian movies, or the Ramsey Brothers.
9. The Man With The Golden Gun Shorts - This movie is a tribute to a group whose cadres wear khaki shorts and serve only one section of the nation.
10. The Spy Who Loved Me - Since the movie was assumed to revolve around a spy and his love making, and because the CBFC was too freaked out to actually check, they decided to play safe. Accordingly, the movie now only consists of opening and closing credits.
11. Moonraker - A movie about Karwa Chauth - It's All About Loving Your Hubby
12. For Your Desi Eyes Only - As the title suggests, this movie has been strategically and intelligently reworked to include images of bees, flowers coming together, birds chasing each other and other subliminal imagery to suit the Indian sensitivity. The CBFC was smart enough to show a few scenes of hands and feet rubbing, just to tease audiences and to alleviate sagging ticket sales
13. Octopussy - Banned, because a movie about 'pussies' is evil.
14. A View To Kill - A movie about getting rid of em no-good beef eaters
15. The Living Daylights Diyas - A documentary on the power of  prayer
16. License To Kill - A sequel to #14
17. Golden Red Eye - A medical documentary on Conjunctivitis
18. Tomorrow Never Dies - A movie about an Indian businessman who keeps delaying payments to his vendors, employees and lenders by saying the cliched ''Kal Pakka''. Featuring a Vijay Mallya lookalike
19. The World Is Not Enough - An engaging and popular story about a Prime Minister who loves globe-trotting
20. Die Another Day - A sequel to the hugely popular #14 and #16
21. Casino Royale - Gambling is bad...banned!
22. Quantum of Solace So Less - A movie made by the CBFC to poke fun at and troll 'perverted' minds who criticise the CBFC and its snip-happy ways. The story reveloves around the dismay faced by Bond movie fans who complain that the CBFC cuts leave "so less" (sic) to watch in the movie
23. Skyfall - The movie is portrayed to be based on true life incidents. The story revolves around an aircraft from ancient Vedic times that enters Indian skies during Kalyug, but is tragically brought down by ugly high-flying political hoardings

Fancy watching any of these? I'm not a big James Bond fan...frankly speaking I haven't watched a single Bond movie till date, but I don't mind watching any of these CBFC-certified versions if you give me company.

Game for some clean fun, anyone?

This post was selected by Blogadda as one of the Tangy Tuesday Picks for the Week ended 24th November 2015.

DON'T LOOK

The room was dark and silent, exactly the way I had seen it the last time my eyes were open. The fading embers of a torch on the wall was the only source of light, offering limited visibility in the dingy surroundings. The silence was deafening to the point that the only sounds I could hear were those of mysterious insects. The ambience of the room was far from inviting, but I had gotten used to it. Besides, I wasn't looking forward to having guests over anytime soon.

Hours of lying down in the same position had made my back sore. Barely had I shifted my once heavy frame to get into a more comfortable position when I saw those faces. I was certainly taken by surprise.

There were three of them, two males and one female. They were all standing, leaning over me. Their faces were pale and impassive, almost as if frozen, absolutely bereft of emotions. I felt extremely uncomfortable, because they were all staring at me. I hate being looked at.

I'm not sure whether my dislike of being looked at stems from my social phobia or from my inferiority complex. I had been grossly overweight and ugly for most of my adult life. Years of being ridiculed and laughed at for the way I looked had made me weary of social gatherings. I always detested being looked at because I thought people who were looking at me were judging me negatively.

They were still staring at me. I began thinking about the kind of pictures they were probably painting in their minds about me. The feeling was not so great, because I was pretty sure that those pictures were most probably hideous. I grew even more uncomfortable. The way they were looking at me...oh, I hated it!

I wanted to ask them to leave at once, but I couldn't speak, no matter how hard I tried. I could think, I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn't speak. I knew quite well that the reason was obviously natural wear and tear. But I could not stand these intruders any longer. They were still staring at me...I hated it.

As always, all I needed to do to chase the intruders away was to sit up in my casket.

WHY I SHAVE MY HEAD

Image Source: www.straightrazorplace.com

I shave my head, almost everyday.

People ask me why, some
lout of genuine curiosity, others just for fun.

I hate both types.

Some people think it's funny when they ask bald guys for a comb. I wish I could take that comb,turn it sideways and shove it up the joker's Tundra region.

Although it's none of your bloody business, here are some possible reasons why I shave my head. One/all/none of these answers might be true. Choose any one to suit yourselves.

I shave my head...

• Because in my case (absolutely) nothing is better than (a scarce) something.

• Because I firmly believe that all men will eventually go bald, and I wanted  to enjoy first movers' advantage

• Because I'm fully aware of the power of aero-dynamics

• Because I wanted to get in touch with my inner Chanakya

• Because shampoos cost a bomb these days

• Because I wanted to keep my inner-Samson in control and Delilahs away

• Because I heard the NBA were looking for Indian recruits

• Because I wanted to maximise the absorption of Vitamin D

• Because I love to keep people guessing whether I'm a gentle Buddhist or a mercurial Hell's Angel

• Because yanking the hair off would be really painful

Please leave us baldies alone.

(Bald) Jann-Hith Mein Jaari

Cheers

CRD